Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
