My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
