the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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