He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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