I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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