dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
