I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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