My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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