Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
