If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
