this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
