I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
