If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just google imaged poop.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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