We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think we might need a safe word for this...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
