my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
