I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
