I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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