This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
