You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
