Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
