do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
