Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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