My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
