I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
