Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need moral support for this bender
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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