Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My cat gives me a boner
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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