I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize