We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
