my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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