i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
