Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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