its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
