I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
