It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
