So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
