i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
