Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
In America we eat man semen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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