there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
