they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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