You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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