Please, let me fuck your mom
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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