I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
