I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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