currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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