I skipped work to stalk him.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
