Whod you bang
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
