just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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