oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
