Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
