good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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