Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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