would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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