Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
