Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
