im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
