smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
