He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
