Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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