she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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