Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
