Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
