Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
