Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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