tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
