EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
