I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Im part way to drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
