Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
