it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Randomize
