so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
