but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
