Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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