guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
