I cannot find my penis.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
