i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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