It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
