Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
