um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i think im in europe. pls send help
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
