Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize