what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
