Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
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If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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