i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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