He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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