wat bout pragnant strippers??
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
