So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
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