: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
