I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We got so high we made milksteak
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
